so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
