If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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