no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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