Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
