That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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