He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
