Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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