he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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