Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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