dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
