Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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