you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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