im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
