I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
