I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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