Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
