Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
