dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
