There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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