Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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