We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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