I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
