the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
