i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
