Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
