mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
