Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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