The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
