Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
