2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
