If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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