I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
