i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
