I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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