we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
