Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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