I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
