ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
