I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he thought i was a dude.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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