so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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