Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
