My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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