Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
