Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
