Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
