She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
