I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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