At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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