Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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