Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
