party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
