There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
